Sometimes I play stupid. Let people teach me of things that, unbeknownst to them, I already know well of. Because in the process of teaching me, they themselves might learn something, and I might as well.
“Perhaps I can escape to a world of fantasy”, he tells himself each night. “Where it’s unusual to not be cared for. Maybe I can live the life of a good friend and not come out the other end heartbroken. Where is my sent angel who is selfless? Who has genuine interest in my well being?” His eyes water at the thought of waking up, realizing his life was a chain of favors. Nothing done for himself, always for others.
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You will find that I rarely reveal my genuine thoughts. There are more than one single reason for this, but the most notable one is simple. I feel I am in a free fall into discovery. I struggle enough to just observe, let alone try to attach words to such ideas. You ask for a snapshot that would become obsolete sooner than it is presented. My world seems to be of an unspeakable nature. It’s still something I’m working on.
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I push my face deep into the comfort of my folded pillow. A little less than half my face is showing - one eye and the top of my nose. I am laying on my stomach and I can feel the pressure on my heart, but I don’t pay attention to it; I’m mesmerized by her. She has herself wrapped in a blanket and is sharing the floor with me. For this moment, the ticking of the clock is the only noise, consistently reminding how late we’ve ventured into the night. “I want to show you something,” I break the strangely precious silence. She raises her eyebrows, placing a small wrinkle on her forehead. I pause for only a moment to appreciate it. before getting to my feet. The relief on my heart is more than noticeable. She knows not to say anything; she knows that if she does, I would lose my bravery. “Read this,” I hand her a piece of paper that it takes me a few seconds to dig deep from a drawer in my desk. I hide my face once again in the pillow and await her gaze, for the connection again. Her large hazel eyes finally meet mine. “You’re amazing,” she whispers in a gentle tone.
Tonight I learned just how deep the light shines. The light of good, sincere men. There is no comparison, nothing stands anywhere close to its purity. If you would look into my eyes, you would see no regrets, only a humble hope.
If you could see through my eyes for only a moment, if you could understand my world for just that instant- you would have my heart forever.
I’m tired of the faded smiles and loose handshakes. My broken words can’t explain what it is we’re missing. Let your walls down, and let me show you. I can only show you.
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